Void.

Even after All is said and done a part of me keeps waiting and expecting you to say something, it's like something in me cant accept the silence.

Which is weird because it was me who demanded silence in the first place.

Very Peculiar.

Like its past mid-night, I should be sleeping because I got work in the morning, my neck hurts from continued laptop usage, and yet i'm sitting here aimlessly checking my blog hoping you would say something when there is nothing to say really, and I just realised this, and I smiled to myself, and decided to write this post, which now doesn't seem like such a good idea. Oh well.

My Bad..

I am asking you Let me go... but truth is that I Need to Let you go.
You already have, bless you, you understood.
But I didn't, and that's where the trouble is, so I need to let you go, to walk away without looking back every second.
Break Away.
to sort my head out and really achieve something in life, because trust me on this, the state of mind im in at this point, you dont want this, trust me!
I need to get my act together, stop feeling sorry for myself and work it.
I got issues man.
Load of them.
and i cant afford to let those issues ruin everything, i cant stand another failure.
So I am gonna deal with those issues, hopefully conquer my demons, but first i need to let you go.

This is for you, wherever you are...

So let me just say this out right.
My Life is a smouldering pile of pain,hurt,and disappointed hopes.. There's just too much shit . TOO.MUCH.SHIT. that I have seen and continue to see ... and i just cant take it any more.
and in all this I really could use a friend like you, especially when i know i just have to reach out and you'll be there in less than a minute,
but for reasons I wont repeat, we both know that aint happening.
I am broken, miserable,sad and lonely. I am in physical pain everday.
Largely because of what I see happening to marriages around me. They are black holes that just just suck the life out of you and eat you alive.
and how stupid would I be to push myself into one such black hole deliberately.
and I know you have hopes and you promise you'll be different, and I know you're different, but I'm sorry, try to understand where I'm standing, and at this point in time i'm just to broken up to even consider the idea of marriage to anyone much less fight for it,but you already know all that, so what's really my point?
My point is its so hard for me to have you at an arm's length and not being able to reach out for you..... I need to break away from you completely.
and like you said if two people are meant be, they find their way back to each other.
So Have Faith be strong and Let GO.
I am asking you to Let Me GO this time...  and I need to let You go..
like really let go, no strings attached.

No Love for the wicked

How Do you love and accept love when all you've known, all you've seen is how messed up and freakin ugly it can get when gone wrong
When all you've ever seen is the dirt then how can you believe there are stars?

Breaking away..

You know like in all the great movies when the guy and the girl cant seem to make things work staying together, they try and try but nothing seems to fall in place instead things keep getting worse.

IT is only when they finally Let Go and break away, have the final all-bridges-burned-its-over-no-turning-back kinda painfully difficult exit that things start to clear up, and make sense and they find their way back to each other.....

I think it goes to show that things seem so far away when you are chasing them, but have a way of catching up to you when you stop chasing them. 

The famous saying that Love is elusive when you are searching for it, I think it applies to happiness too; So long as we keep searching for happiness it seems to elude you, you may get a glimpse but its always fleeting ,always ending, never lasting, and that's mainly because the expectations that the search creates are totally blown out of proportion, and whatever little bit of happiness you get along the way pales in comparison to those expectations.

But when you stop looking you stop expecting and it is then that even a little bit of joy catches you off guard and lights you up.

But when one stops searching , does it mean when one gave up? Does it mean that one was a coward and could not persevere, OR does it mean they were brave enough to know when to let go ?

I personally think having one of those all-bridges-burned-its-over-no-turning-back kinda moment i just talked about is really crucial to any endeavour.

WHY?

Because I believe in such situations, breaking away means letting go of all the pieces of the puzzle which you could not arrange, and allowing them to fall where they may , and its only when you let them fall like that and take a step back that you realise that you were standing in the wrong place, and those things you were holding on to were like the grains of sand, the tighter you clutched the more they fell out of your hand because they were not meant to be clutched but were meant to be scattered, and its then that you see that the pattern that thus formed is better than anything you ever could have made yourself.

So the question really is; How brave are You?