Persuasion..

I just finished reading Persuasion by Jane Austen... and all i can do right now is smile to myself! =)

and not bcuz of the obvious reasons.. If you have not read the book and want to then read no further, there may be some spoilers in here.

Well i am a jane austen fan uptill now Pride And Prejudice was my favourite.. but Persuasion strikes a different kind of chord than P&P. Anne Elliot the central character is so opposite of Elizabeth Bennet, but this is not a comparison of the two books, it's just the feeling i am left with after having read it... it sounds very stupid, i bet, but i am so happy for the kind of end and reconciliation that Anne and Wentworth got ! that letter was so touching! any heart would melt if addressed like such.. all i can say is DAMN! :) not very articulate and 'proper' i know! lol

On a more serious and pensive note it makes me a bit sad to observe that in those times everyone was so proper, for want of a better word. 'Propriety' was such a concern to them, men or women took themselves and each other seriously, albeit a bit too seriously at times, but respect was of utmost importance, its sad that all that Austen pride and propriety and respect and sense and that sensibility and that constancy of emotions, that honesty, is no longer to be found, one thing however which Austen spoke of is still to be found in copious amounts and that is Vanity.

Oh well this was not meant to be a survey of the modern world under the light of Austen's novels, :) this was merely a happy note! If i may be allowed a moment of self indulgency,(what? A Blog is all about self indulgency i see jane austen has gotten to my head), i would admit that presently i am as deeply cynical and un believing in faith in human beings, thier affections,honesty, respect & sincerity, as anyone could possibly be, have damn near lost faith in humanity, and YET reading this fine novel has left an indellible mark, and stirs something similar to belief in me, who knows? maybe even a transient moment of hope...

Fear of falling under..

It's a song by the ever so talented; Mr. Darren Hayes. It talks about hope as well as tht inevitable fears attached to it. About rising above with the fear of falling...

I find this song incredibly insightful and weirdly cathartic... here are some of the lyrics;

"Deep into the water deep into the dark.

Deep into the places stories have to start.
Peel open the layers go in for the kill.
Bite into the onion taste it for the thrill.

I've got a fear of falling under.
Underneath a dream.
A fear of diving too deep.
Deep beneath the seams.
I've got a fear of falling under.
Underneath a spell.
A fear of what the truth sees.
Secrets I will tell.

Reach into a top hat.
Reach in all alone.
Reach in for a rabbit come up with a stone.
Searching for pieces.
Pieces left behind.
Discarded moments in the junkyard of my mind.

I've got a fear of falling under.
Underneath a dream.
A fear of diving too deep.
Deep beneath the seams.
I've got a fear of falling under.
Underneath a spell.
A fear of what the truth sees.
Secrets I will tell.

What came first?
Love, hurt? Love, hurt?
Oh, what came firsst? Love? Hurt? Love? Hurt? Oh whaatt??

Stars behind the clouds; not feeling it

For the past week or two the sky is so replete with clouds on my side thats its like a bad traffic jam.. Although i dont mind clouds in the daytime as it shields from the blaring sun; but at night it hides the best thing about night;Stars :( save to say it's a huge disappointment when i snuck out my head in the hopes to see a glittered sky and bummer! not even one!!

when last night the same thing happened. i was so disappointed that i started thinking when was the last time i saw a clear night sky with a multitude of my glittering pals; and i was even farther disappointed to realise that perhaps some days ago. i just looked thru the window and the stars were there! and bright! and when they were there, right there, my appetite was satisfied by just one look, i didnt go out and spend even one minute stargazing!!(which is what i love to do), how absurd that when they were there, shining with all their might, i didnt bother even saying hello, but tonight when i cant find them i am most disappointed....

there is some lesson to be learned from this.... to appreciate a good thing while you have it..

Confusion and then some...

The other day i was talking to a friend who recently for engaged.... and bravo for her, she seemed very realistically blissful and content.

Although most of my life i have never wanted to settle down, fall in love, Get married, BLAH BLAH, bcuz it all seemed like a gamble with the stakes too completely high, but on the other hand the image that i have in mind for how things should be, was a fairytale happy ending....ALL or Nothing..

but the more i observe, the more i see people, the more i realise there IS no such thing as a fairytale happy ending... you have to make your own happily ever after, like kung fu panda says "Anything can be special if you think of it as Special; there is No secret ingredient"

the more i look around and see what goes on in this world im left bewildered and overwhelmed and a multitude of questions pop up in my head.... but one thing i know that in this world there is no happily ever after..

Am i becoming cynical? or Realistic? Is there any difference?? will i ever find the answers??