i'm disappointed with my self. i\m ashamed of myself, for letting down everyone who had faith in me and hopes in me....

why do ppl make excuses??? i mean if u dont wanna talk or socialize just say it to my face... why lie?? and pretend and avoid and all that bullshit...... u think i have got that much time for u??? i mean go to hell..i loathe liars and hypocrites and judemental types....if u want time or u need ur space jus say it to my face, i'll be happy to give to it to u, but dont fuckin lie man........
actually the problem is in me, i get too much carried away when i get caring and emotional... guess being emotional doesnt suit me, guess i was better off being a tough bitch,..........
guess i'll go back on being a tough, hardcore, bitch who doesnt give a shit to anyone,. after all what good has being caring, done to me??? i wont stand this, ppl walkin all over me....
i have my own life.... i mean a billion things that i'd rather invest that time and energy on.
i mean instead of that, i freakin try to be there for ppl i care about, and guess what?? they dont need it, then why the fuck shud i care?? to hell with everyone. i have my own life to live and do something about,
maybe that's one reason why i screwed up earlier, cuz i get carried away in this crapp so far, that i forget and ignore what's actually important in my life, things that is gonna give some returns to me, and at least there my efforts wont be freakin wasted and thrown to the wind.

i've screwed up all the good things in m life, i was given so many opportunities, ppl trusted in me, believed in me, and i blew it all.... i screwed up, i axed everythin with my own two hands, what kills me the most is not the disappointment i feel not the hurt that kills me everyday,not the remorse that wrenches my hearrt every second but the BELIEF and faith ppl had in me my friends my family my mentors and i jusst............. BLEW it... out of sheer lazyiness.....
i have had many regrets in my life. Big ones trust me, but NEVER did i have THis intense a feeling to jusstttttt,........... turn back time and do things differently, guess that's not happening, so how t deal with this mess???? hnestly i havent got a clue.......

i jus wanna be alone on the sea shore with nothin but jus me lost in the abyss of my incoherent thoughts and my maze of a mind, maybe i'll find myself there, or maybe i'll jus lose myself completely, who knows??
maybe life is about gettin lost... in whatever., in mycase getttin lost in my failures.