My sanity

my sanity....

How do i get it back?? when did i lose it? Was there ever a time i really truly even had it?
? These ares some of the questions that are on my mind lately and they wreak one havoc. Save to say i dont know the absolute answer to any of them. Period.
But what i do know is that,THIS,right here, right now, is the most brutally dark time of my life. I feel for the first time the need to be totally alone and secluded, and i dont mean locked up in a room or holed up in some corner, what i mean is that for the first time i feel as if i cant and dont wanna depend,trust or BE with anyone. I hate everythin and everyone in my life. I feel the need to go to a place where none of these ppl, none of these problems; that cuttently so perpetually habituate my life, exist or come even close.
WHY? For one i am just so sick and tired of the same old stuff that has become a routine of life for me, second and most importantly, i recently had an epiphany. The epiphany is that I am not meant or well suited,if you will, for this social exposure ridden life. B'cuz im an Anti-social, but NOone and i mean no one, who has seen me in a group pf ppl can say im anti-social, cuz i seem or become the social butterfly kind material. But the impact social exposure has on me is weird at best and psychotic at worse, one cuz im extrememly sensitive to anything, i cant explain it fully but all i know is im meant to be around ppl.
I understand what an extremely narcissistic piece of writing this is, but i need to write this just to sort out my own feelings, and not cuz i want anyone to read it.
WTF? no clarity still..